Advice please on dealing with nerves.

@TEMPLAR567 said in #1:

... When i play a human opponent on here, i Become VERY, very nervous, it's an awful feeling, i get tense, fidgety, chain smoke (vape) and get that sickly feeling in my stomach. ...
In the

https://lichess.org/Svb6VYvz

45+0 game (~2 weeks ago) I would guess that the start of your nerves was 4...Qe7.

https://lichess.org/Svb6VYvz#8

4...Nxe4, 4...Bc5, and 4...Be7 would all have been better. Perhaps it was particularly appropriate to be "tense" and "fidgety" after 11...O-O-O. I guess that you were going for that castling-on-opposite-sides thing, but it really looks as if pawelek8806 was in the better position to break through. In one of his books, GM John Nunn referred to the desirability of "positioning" one's king "behind a solid wall of unmoved pawns". You didn't exactly have that in this case. A sickly stomach feeling does not seem likely to be far off.
By the way, you played the first 11 moves at an average rate that would have made sense if you had expected the game to last for 132 moves.

Honestly, I also experience some of those symptoms when playing online, but usually after some fierce time scramble in bullet or blitz without increment. (I'm not a bullet fan and there are days when I don't even like blitz, which is awkward given my nick.)
I prefer playing people to playing bots, yet at times I'm not quite sure whom I'm playing. Online chess has both its pros and cons, a lot depends on your attitude. It can be a nice hobby, but it's not everybody's cup of tea, so if you change your approach several times and keep feeling uncomfortable (which hopefully won't be your case), it might be better to search for other hobbies or other ways to enjoy chess.

@TEMPLAR567
I feel your anxiety my friend! I’m open to playing if you’d like. No pressure, rated or unrated, and no hassle as I’m not all that good. Just a friendly game or two if you’re interested. Feel free to DM me and we’ll start up a game. Welcome to Lichess by the way!

It is likely a version of performance anxiety. The usual way to get it under control is to become more comfortable doing whatever it is that is overstimulating you. You do that by repeating the activity (and putting some of it into muscle memory to lower stress). The other thing to try is blocking out as much outside stimulus as possible, i.e. play in a quiet soothing place.

Humanize your opponent as much as possible. Visualize them as nervous.. or think about how they put their pants on the same way you do every day.. etc. glgl

Hi Dale, welcome to Lichess and thank you for such an honest post.

What you're describing is actually more common than you might think. Many players—especially those returning to the game after a long break—feel intense pressure when facing human opponents. That tension, the rapid heartbeat, the physical discomfort... it's a kind of performance anxiety, and it's totally human.

The good news is: it can be managed, and even turned into something positive.

Here are a few things that have helped me and others:

1. Normalize the pressure.
   Playing a human introduces an emotional element: ego, fear of judgment, desire to prove yourself. Just recognizing this already takes away some of its power. You're not "weird"—you're just a human trying to do something that matters to you.
2. Develop a simple ritual.
   Before your games, take a few deep breaths, stretch your shoulders, and remind yourself: “This is just a practice game, not a final exam.” Having a small pre-game routine helps calm the body and signal the brain that it’s time to focus.
3. Play more—but less seriously.
   Try playing unrated games or setting a goal like “I’m just going to practice development in the opening” or “I’m going to smile once during this game, no matter what.” These tricks help take the edge off.
4. Watch your posture and surroundings.
   If you find yourself hunched or physically tense, it may help to adjust your chair height, lighting, or screen distance. Even placing a bottle of water nearby and sipping during the game can help you stay grounded.
5. Accept imperfect games.
   You don’t need to win to grow. Every game is a learning opportunity. And sometimes the best move is to simply breathe.

You're on a great journey. The fact that you care this much is not a weakness—it’s your passion speaking. And that passion, over time, will turn into skill and confidence.

Keep playing, and keep reaching out. You’re not alone.

Cheers.